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O.M.S, I.A.S.S.T.D.O.C.P. – or Oh my stars, I am so sick to death of cell phones. Have cell phones gone from minor convenience to major annoyance? And at the speed of sound and light combined? One evening, I watched as a group of 50-odd teen-girls massed near our theatre entry. Over half of them were talking on cell phones or else madly texting away. I knew we were in for it so I preceded the show with a reminder to “please turn cell phones off”. Not that it helped. With intensified ushering we finally brought it under control.

As today’s booth and equipment morph into the electronic age, we need to be ready for the change. In the late 70’s I schlepped around the U.S. building tall grain elevators and my company vehicle was a vintage 1955 Ford pick-up truck. The engine compartment I could climb in and work on. I can still point out every part of the engine, transmission, electrical, and suspension and explain to anyone, with reasonable accuracy, what each part did and how it made the truck go. Today, I’d not even attempt an oil-change as I’d be sure to get it wrong – assuming, that is, I could even find the oil drain. No-one can work on their car today: it’s more complicated than the Millennium Falcon.

I was in civilian gear watching No Country for Old Men in one of my theatres when a young man answered his cell phone, put his feet up on the seat in front and talked loudly into his Bluetooth earpiece while waving his brightly lit cell phone. I walked over and said quietly: “I’m sorry, but if you need to use the phone you’ll have to take it out into the lobby.” He looked at me and said, “And who the **** are you?”. I retorted: “I’m the ******* theatre owner”. Enough said.

At ShoWest 2008, I was struck by how much in common we industry members have yet how different we are. Ours is an unusual fraternity crossing a wide, and wild, group of players. In my 14 industry years, I’ve come to know a great many fellow members and can tell you the pack of theatre owners covers the spectrum. So, what is it that attracts people to Exhibition? Often, members of a niche group seem cut from the same cloth. I once was a courier working in the diamond district in New York City. While diamond dealing shares with Exhibition a reliance on verbal contracts, it lacks in diversity while our cup runneth over.

I own two early 1900’s-built theatres. One of them – a three-story building with offices and meeting hall on the upper floors – comprises 19,000 sq.ft. to heat, cool and light. Last year, while my heating oil usage went down, my costs actually doubled over the previous year. This year, the estimate is for the costs to double again. Five years ago, it cost $6,000 to heat the building. Now, the estimate is $35,000. We are all in this one together; theatre owners and patrons are learning the exact same math.

Last December, I got a call asking if I would assess the potential of an historic movie theatre in Florida. The Five Points Theatre, built in 1927, is the oldest movie theatre in Jacksonville. It was also one of the premier theatres there for decades; having sold-out shows, it packed the sidewalks in the Five Points commercial area and was reportedly home for the 1972 run of The Godfather which enjoyed the longest run of any US theatre.

Owning and running a movie theatre can be a lonely business. Few know the troubles we’ve seen. People spend hours at movie theatres, and think they know a lot about movies and movie theatres even though they primarily know what they read about movie stars. People who go to the movies are very helpful with suggestions. “When are you going to get ..?,” etc. This is usually offered after you closed a disappointing run of exactly that movie or when you can’t get a print of the film for blood nor money. Either way, you feel a bit like sobbing.

Watching State Of Play in my theatre recently, I noticed the trailers were playing far too low, so I went into the booth and rousted the projectionist who duly turned it up to ‘9.5’. Settling back into my seat, and now the sound is too low. Back to the booth. No projectionist is present so I crank it up to ‘10’ but this barely reaches acceptable. Thankfully, the movie took me over and all was good until the credits began to roll and our clean-up crew turned on the house lights and barged in. After an admonishment to wait until the credits were done before klieg lights are illuminated, all is again well.

I’m a 2D kinda guy in a world apparently gone mad for 3D. The films come at us like a factory popping out like toasters and all are advertised wildly as: “In 3D..!” – the posters inferring that the whole thing is in 3D. Theatre-goers excitedly ask “Is it in 3D?” and we patiently explain: “Not around here, it’s not.” All the smartest people in the room: Spielberg, Cameron, Katzenberg; and all my other closest friends opine that it’s just a matter of time before every theatre will host 3D. Maybe so. But will it actually mean much when they do?